1. |
alumni
04:33
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knock knock, no one’s home not in the garden either.
clean glass, cut grass, and fresh paint here.
a porch well kept, acts as a portrait
and we are dirt smeared on the palette.
never offered a moment alone.
cold calls with endless dial tones.
ring ring, pick up so we can get this over
old phones, hormones, and thick folders
alone in a warehouse large and empty
“hello, I’m wondering if you can help me?”
you must disturb, you must push, pry and enter.
we are the insects that hide in the corner.
stand aside advertise, death is the answer.
i do believe a purge is in order.
never offered a moment alone.
pushing products on people i don’t know.
should have studied for something more technical.
but I guess it’s too late for that now.
if I could get out I would do it in a heartbeat.
drive home, real slow,
still stuck in traffic.
dig my fingers deep into plastic.
light pollution drowning out the darkness.
turn off the music so I can focus.
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2. |
sheffield & armitage
03:49
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took the train to armitage
“Such a nice place to live.”
but keep your money safe
put it all away and wait.
these jokers out here
spend more than you made last year
on bougée soirees
behind tall iron gates.
i’m gonna stay here with you
but what’s gonna happen when the wolves come through?
long walks on quiet streets,
say hi to everyone you meet,
but all they seem to do
is just stare at their shoes.
rich fucks and homelessness,
that’s nothing new I guess.
some people whine about others
trying to scrape by.
linger on how it used to be, and question if you want to leave.
struggle just to keep your cool, and face a whole new set of rules.
sorry you’re down on your luck, but hey soon enough we’ll all be fucked.
all the demagogues can suck it.
Welcome Us Home.
i’m gonna stay here with you
but what’s gonna happen when the wolves come through?
i’m gonna stay here with you
they can watch us move gracefully through everything we do..
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3. |
katalog
05:05
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i make designs. my fingernails carving lines,
that are short and shallow, thick and fine inside.
i craft a square: four lines at which to stare,
in a pattern that is easy to remember.
i hold the lock you turn the key.
some things I refuse to believe.
we sold our souls: buried ourselves below
where it's blank and dry and stiff and narrow.
four weeks, one day, since you sent your post away.
to a storeroom that is deaf to all requests you make (and what you had to say.)
i hold the lock you turn the key.
some things I still try to believe.
one day i’ll slip it in my sleeve.
we will sit silent, and then read this magazine.
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4. |
||||
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read shocking news, heard about that on tv.
it's nothing new, but everyone’s angry.
“is it a cover up? or am i just acting crazy?”
you can tell me.
subtract yourself from the equation.
look round yourself, and see it's all the same.
trying to assert ourselves on the social food chain.
this is so lame.
look what i've done: took another misstep.
my youth is fucked, filled with so many regrets.
"don't know 'bout you", well I know about me:
strong political beliefs.
miserable fuck: push it so over the top.
"it’s no big deal, just bring down a notch."
what’s wrong with you, and what’s wrong with me?
what a bunch of fucking nerds you are
a bunch of crying babies.
what a bunch of fucking nerds you are
a bunch of crying babies.
all of us, every single one.
everybody!
all together now!
everybody!
in unison!
don’t mind me.
just being contrary.
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5. |
...it was the same
02:37
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outside when somebody brushed up beside me.
jog home and wash my hands till they’re raw.
never thought that it would get so bad,
SHAME: I’m a slave to my body.
i might be losing control
carefully navigate the hell-maze
of tile cracks, from the stairs to the door.
tap my thoughts eight times out on the clock
to express my frustration.
find i'm unable to stop.
wait, its not the same, do it again. Wait, no. it’s not the same do it again. wait, no. it’s not the same do it again. wait, no...
dance psycho dance!
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6. |
the opposite committee
05:14
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open the window wide, but then pull down the blinds.
crickets chirping in the grass, something hiding in every crack of the bed frame.
try so hard to unwind, force myself to recline.
feels like insects on my skin, and the breathing exercises aren’t working again.
Come meet the opposite committee,
shut your eyes and learn where you went wrong
come meet the opposite committee
saturate yourself with all these terrible thoughts
when you are falling asleep, bury your fears for the week.
if you’re jilted, reserve your strength, stare at the dark and go blank for a minute.
if panic begins to reach, crawling up from your feet.
simply picture murphy’s law, and imagine it falling apart.
but beads of solder burned the floor. a full trash can, open doors,
broken headphones, and violin. forgot to call about my loans again,
dirty stovetop, hamper full, no job and not in school,
stay up so late you can see the dawn: turn the lights off and on and on and on and on and on and on.
Come meet the opposite committee,
shut your eyes and learn where you went wrong.
come meet the opposite committee
horde of devils advocates, who think you are so fucking dumb.
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7. |
character death
03:45
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summer days,
i feel the better parts of me
rot away
err and stray
replaced by numerous mistakes.
simple phrase
i feel a growing urge to
count, appraise
every choice I made
for your sake.
every mean thing that I didn’t say.
let air in, let it darken.
cut all of the lights in the apartment.
the air in, let it darken.
cut all the lights in the apartment.
what to say
i feel like you are immune
and unfazed
flat out avoiding my face.
holding back the things you want to say.
turn and gaze
I am completely confused.
so amazed
just say it to my face
don’t just lock it all away.
it’s best to talk about it.
why can’t you talk about it?
this is good for us.
it’s a good thing.
Ooh, Ahh.
let air in, and dark in
cut all the lights in the apartment.
cut the lights
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8. |
"//"
01:21
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...
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9. |
oral anxiety exam
05:33
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buried in all of this fatalist shit.
acting as though I’ve removed myself from all of it.
knife through the hype.
crush with the blade.
press out the bits that you feel should be saved.
if falsehoods were food I would puck, slice, de-vein
eat myself sick and then open the fridge again.
herd every word,
pen them away,
suppressed in a place where they can be contained.
am I trying to trick myself into it?
so careful when words spill off from my tongue.
Is it really lying if you think you’ve slowly come undone?
sharp shards of crown weathered away.
raw nerve exposed and aching on colder days.
unconsciously carving,
away at my teeth.
bury the bad things that happen to me.
have i managed to trick myself into it?
am i back on the clear path again?
wait for phone calls from friends and close family.
hang up because it’s a sales call again.
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10. |
the late service
05:35
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focus in on cheerful thoughts,
but just feel awkward and out of place.
try to think of the common good,
then shove communion in my face.
every time I look I’m getting older and less productive here.
and time is slowly fading off like road in a rear view mirror.
relief myself, release control.
fall asleep in the kitchen.
enjoy my time alone.
stand up overwhelmed and tired.
progress very slowly through the line.
stare through apartment doors.
find new homes to criticize.
i wouldn’t want a god
even if for my own sake.
there’s just no comfort for me in having someone watch
the mistakes i make.
relief myself, release control.
masturbate in the bedroom,
enjoy being alone.
things are good enough for me not to hate myself.
but still just bad enough that i envy everyone else.
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Arthhur Chicago, Illinois
we make noise.
say it: arth-hur.
chicago art rock/dance.
mike
matt
luke
jon
And NICO!
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